in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
