that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
