I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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