she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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