when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
