Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
