now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
