Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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