Will you blow on my dice?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING