Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.