i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.