Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.