ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
