While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
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you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
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If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...