Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos