life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize