There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
