Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
