The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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