we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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