So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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