Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
