Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
