Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
