took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
