that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
