I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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