Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
