I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
