I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Buhtt sex?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
