life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
