My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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