hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
