she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So squirting runs in the family.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
