my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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