omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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