Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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