At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
this is an emotional support booty call
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
