I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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