I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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