Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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