my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
