Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize