I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
