If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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