I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
