I like my sex mixed with concussions.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
