just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
