i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize