i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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