Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
