Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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