this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
