Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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