my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize