guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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