just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
