Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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