Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
