I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
