Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
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We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
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He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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