Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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