I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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