He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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