Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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