The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
