Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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