Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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