Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
