I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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