Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
