i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
